Αγαπητή Giveaway Queen,
Σε όλη αυτή την περίοδο της καραντίνας, πώς κρατάς τη σχέση σου υγιή και δυνατή; Πώς δεν σπάει ο ένας τα νεύρα του άλλου; Έχεις κάποια tips να μοιραστείς;
Mary P.
Γεια σου Mary.
Σε ευχαριστώ που έγραψες.
Μπορεί να είναι όντως μια πρόκληση όταν είσαι όλη μέρα κάθε μέρα σπίτι με το έτερόν σου ήμισυ να μην σπάσει ο ένας τα νεύρα του άλλου έστω και λίγο, ειδικά όταν προστεθούν και παιδιά σε αυτή την εικόνα και ειδικά σε περιόδους στρες.
Να μερικά πράγματα που προσπαθώ να κάνω για να διατηρήσω υγιή και χαρούμενη τη σχέση μου στην καραντίνα.
1. Εξασφαλίστε λίγο χρόνο να είστε χωριστά
Πραγματικά προσπαθώ να μην είμαστε ο ένας πάνω στον άλλον όλη μέρα. Για παράδειγμα: Δευτέρα-Παρασκευή ξέρω ότι για τον άντρα μου είναι πολύ φορτωμένο το πρόγραμμα το πρωί επειδή μιλάει ασταμάτητα στο τηλέφωνο. Εγώ είμαι απασχολημένη με τα δικά μου και τα παιδιά, τα μαθήματά τους κ.ο.κ. Είμαστε χωριστά και κάνουμε τα δικά μας και δεν μπλέκομαι με τον Γιώργο τις ώρες που κανονικά δουλεύει. Ναι, είναι στο σπίτι αλλά αυτές τις ώρες δεν του μιλάω ούτε τον ενοχλώ γιατί ξέρω ότι είναι η δική του ζώνη κι εγώ στη δική μου με την οικογένεια. Αυτό το θεωρώ ότι σεβόμαστε ο ένας τον άλλον και γνωρίζουμε ότι λογικά χρειαζόμαστε χώρο για δικά μας πράγματα. Εγώ τουλάχιστον το χρειάζομαι και φαντάζομαι ότι και ο ίδιος αισθάνεται έτσι.
2. Προγραμμάτισε κάτι για τους δυο σας, χωρίς παιδιά και περισπασμούς
Αυτό θα μπορούσε να είναι είτε ένας περίπατος μετά το βραδινό για τους δυο σας (φυσικά από απόσταση) είτε το να πιείτε ένα τσάι στο μπαλκόνι ή την αυλή. Κάτι που να σας ξεκουράζει και τους δύο. (Ξέρω ότι το περπάτημα είναι δύσκολο να το κάνετε ταυτόχρονα εάν υπάρχουν μικρά παιδιά, αλλά αν γίνεται είναι καλή λύση). Ο άντρας μου κι εγώ βάζουμε τα παιδιά για ύπνο (ή τους βάζουμε μια ταινία αν δεν κοιμούνται) και κάνουμε μαζί ένα ζεστό μπάνιο με άλατα λεβάντας. Είναι τόσο χαλαρωτικό και μερικές φορές είμαστε τόσο κουρασμένοι να μιλήσουμε που απλώς μουλιάζουμε ενώ άλλες φορές που είμαστε σε φάση να μιλήσουμε συζητάμε πώς ήταν η μέρα μας ή τις σκέψεις μας. Είναι ένας ωραίος τρόπος να είστε σε επαφή και δυνατοί.
3. Επαναπροσδιόρισε τις προτεραιότητες και επαναπρογραμμάτισε τα πράγματα για να ρέουν καλύτερα σε αυτή την προσωρινή πραγματικότητα.
Με δεδομένη την κατάσταση, μην φοβηθείς να είσαι λίγο πιο ελαστική σε κάποια πράγματα. Για παράδειγμα, είχα πολλά πράγματα στη λίστα μου για να κάνω αυτόν τον μήνα αλλά προφανώς αυτοί οι στόχοι δεν είναι προτεραιότητά μου αυτή τη στιγμή.
Προτεραιότητα έχει η υγεία και ασφάλεια της οικογένειας και της κοινωνίας κ.ο.κ. Ο άντρας μου κι εγώ καθίσαμε κάτω και θέσαμε νέες προτεραιότητες για το ποιοι είναι οι στόχοι μας φροντίζοντας για την υγεία της οικογένειας αυτό το διάστημα. Αυτό σημαίνει ότι δώσαμε περισσότερο χρόνο στην οικογένεια και τα παιδιά ώστε να τα κάνουμε να νιώσουν ασφαλή μέσα στην όλη κατάσταση. Μια άλλη προτεραιότητα είναι το να μιλάμε και να παραμείνουμε σε επαφή με τους γονείς μας ώστε να βεβαιωθούμε ότι όλοι νιώθουν σωματικά και ψυχικά καλά. (Επίσης έτσι τους δίνουμε την αίσθηση ότι δεν είναι μόνοι και τους υποστηρίζουμε). Επανεξέτασε με τον σύντροφό σου τι είναι αυτό που νομίζετε ότι πρέπει να έρθει μπροστά αυτή τη στιγμή.
4. Άσε και κάτι να “πέσει κάτω”…
Η αγαπημένη μου συνήθεια είναι το βράδυ να βάζω τα παιδιά για ύπνο και έχω τελειώσει με το καθάρισμα της κουζίνας, και ετοιμάζω αποβραδίς το πρωινό μου και το shake πρωτεΐνης που θα πιω το πρωί. Ανεβαίνω πάνω και νιώθω ευχαριστημένη ότι όλα (ή έστω τα περισσότερα) είναι σε τάξη. Σε αυτήν την νέα προσωρινή πραγματικότητα αυτό δεν συμβαίνει όσο συχνά θα ήθελα επειδή έχω τα παιδιά όλη μέρα στο σπίτι (και τον σύζυγο). Μερικές φορές αυτό με κάνει να μη νιώθω τόσο παραγωγική όσο ήμουν και μου δίνει την αίσθηση ότι δεν κάνω ό,τι καλύτερο μπορώ. Το άφησα να μου συμβεί μερικά βράδια και μετά είπα στον εαυτό μου: “Γιατί είμαι τόσο σκληρή με μένα; Είναι ΟΚ αν δεν είναι όλα τέλεια, έχουμε σοβαρότερα θέματα τώρα. Κάνε ό,τι μπορείς και να είσαι περήφανη που προσαρμόζεσαι στη νέα κρίση που σου συμβαίνει”.
Θα μπορούσα να τα βάλω με τον άντρα μου και τα παιδιά μου που κάνουν το σπίτι χάλια αλλά τι νόημα έχει; Θα ήταν καταστροφικό και θα οδηγούσε σε πικρίες μεταξύ μας. Έτσι αποφάσισα να το αφήσω να περάσει έτσι. Είναι εντάξει, δεν είναι και τόσο σοβαρό. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει ότι δεν λέω στα παιδιά να συμμαζέψουν τα δωμάτιά τους -όσα μπορεί να συμμαζέψει ένα 7χρονο- αλλά το λέω γενικά: άστο να φύγει, δεν είναι ώρα να ασχολείσαι με τα ασήμαντα.
5. Προσπαθήστε να βοηθάτε ο ένας τον άλλον
Εάν δω τον σύζυγό μου να ξεκινάει κάτι νέο όπως το να συμμαζέψει την αυλή, ακόμα κι αν δεν έχω όρεξη, θα αφήσω ό,τι κάνω και θα βάλω ένα χεράκι. Πριν το καταλάβω, είμαστε όλοι έξω συμμαζεύοντας, όσο τα παιδιά παίζουν και στο τέλος ο άντρας μου ανοίγει ένα μπουκάλι κρασί και περνάμε χρόνο σαν οικογένεια. Ξέρω ότι είναι χαρούμενος που βοήθησα και έγινε μια ομαδική προσπάθεια και είμαι χαρούμενη που τα παιδιά είναι ευτυχισμένα παίζοντας γύρω μας. Μια άλλη φορά συμμάζευα το δωμάτιο παιχνιδιών των παιδιών και είχα εκνευριστεί και τότε μπήκε ο Γιώργος αμέσως και με βοήθησε. Ξαφνικά το όλο θέμα έγινε σαν οικογενειακό event. (Αυτό δεν συμβαίνει βέβαια συχνά). Αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι προσπαθήστε να βοηθήσετε ο ένας τον άλλον αν μπορείτε. Κάντε το καλό γιατί πάντα είναι καλό να κάνεις το καλό!
6. Όταν συζητάτε δύσκολα ζητήματα σε τέτοιες στρεσογόνες περιόδους, να είσαι ήρεμη στις απαντήσεις σου.
Στους δύσκολους καιρούς, εάν ο σύντροφός σου θέσει ένα θέμα που τον ενοχλεί μην βιαστείς να ανταπαντήσεις ή να αντιμιλήσεις. Σταμάτα και απλώς άκου. Πρόσεξε τα πάντα, τη γλώσσα του σώματος, τι λέει, τι δεν λέει αλλά προσπαθεί να πει. (Ξέρεις τι εννοώ). Να είσαι καλός ακροατής και να μην βιάζεσαι να μιλήσεις παρά μόνο εάν έχεις πραγματικά καταλάβει τι σου λέει, όχι τι νομίζεις οτι κατάλαβες αλλά τι πραγματικά λέει. Όταν έρθει η σειρά σου να μιλήσεις και να πεις τη γνώμη σου, προσπάθησε να το κάνεις ήρεμα και με επίπεδο που να δείχνει ότι σέβεσαι τον άλλον που μόλις σου ανοίχτηκε. Το να είσαι ήρεμη όταν οι άλλοι χρειάζονται ηρεμία είναι ένα από τα πιο πολύτιμα πράγματα που μπορείς να κάνεις για την ψυχολογία και την ηρεμία του μυαλού, ειδικά σε τέτοιες αγχωτικές περιόδους.
7. Δοκίμασε μικρές χειρονομίες αγάπης και εκτίμησης όποτε μπορείς
Πάντα αφήνω ένα χαριτωμένο σημείωμα στον άντρα μου κάπου στο σπίτι. Συνήθως αφήνω ένα το πρωί στο γραφείο του (μιας και είναι όλη την ώρα στο σπίτι τώρα) ή δίπλα στο πρωινό του. Δεν είναι κάποιο μεγάλο γράμμα ή κάτι τέτοιο που θα του έπεφτε βαρύ (LOL) αλλά του γράφω ένα “σ’ ευχαριστώ που είσαι εσύ” ή “σε αγαπάμε και σε εκτιμούμε”.
Βέβαια όταν του τα δίνω ξέρω ότι δεν είναι ο τύπος που θα πει “ουάου, ήταν το πιο απίθανο σημείωμα ever” (LOL) αλλά δεν το κάνω για την ανταπόδοση, το ξέρω ότι το εκτιμά και το κάνω επειδή το θέλω και θέλω να ξέρει ότι είναι ξεχωριστός για μένα.
Αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι να μην ξεχνάς να λες στον άλλον ότι τον αγαπάς με μικρές χειρονομίες ακόμα και αν το γνωρίζετε κι οι δύο. Είναι πάντα ωραίο να το ακούς.
Επίσης το να ελέγχει ο ένας τον άλλον αν είναι εντάξει είναι πολύ σημαντικό.
Μέσα στη μέρα μπορεί να τσεκάρω τον άντρα μου και ακουμπώντας το χέρι του να του πω: “Είσαι εντάξει; Απλώς τσεκάρω”.
Κάτι τόσο μικρό και γρήγορο μπορεί να είναι μεγάλο και να αφήσει μια πολύ θετική αύρα στο σπίτι. Είναι καλή ενέργεια για όλους.
Kalomira
224 comments
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